The Valentine’s Day Interviews: John’s Story
I suppose you could say Sarah and I were dating each other, but it was more of a friendship than anything. I never really knew she was so infatuated with me until that week. I should have seen the clues, like how she would ask me to Homecoming and the Valentine’s Day dance and how she would often show up at various soccer games to watch me play. I just passed it off as being a good friend.
We were both adults, so I thought our high school dramas were over and had no idea the next few events were coming. It started when I decided to ask Sarah if she would like to join me for dinner on Valentine’s Day. As soon as I picked her up I knew she had the impression that this was going to be more of a date than a get-together. It seems stupid to say that, but sometimes the way someone gives you a look or just the way they’re dressed you can tell that they aren’t just teasing you. It was somewhat difficult drive because I wasn’t really expecting her to be so giddy and… beautiful. She just glowed and it was hard not to love her.
I want to make it clear that I didn’t know she was in love with me. And yet, something about it made it quite obvious that I had just been ignoring it all the years I had known her. I remember her starting to get tense after several starts of conversations that I didn’t continue. I was too embarrassed to talk to her much and whenever I tried thinking of something to say, my words turned to oatmeal. When this had happened at previous occasions, she didn’t mind-she just thought it was cute-but I decided I wasn’t going to lead her on a deception path. At the same time, I knew I already had.
It wasn’t raining until after we got into the restaurant. At this point, I was getting incredibly nervous because I knew Sarah well enough to know that she wouldn’t take kindly to my surprise. It was just the two of us in a room full of other doe-eyed couples. Sarah noticed my nervousness and asked me what was wrong. I had debated to just let it go, but for some reason something inside made me tell her. I didn’t know what to expect but her standing up and walking out of the restaurant wasn’t it. She disappeared around the corner by the time I had gone down the block to chase after her.
New York is a labyrinth of buildings and even if I wanted to look for her in the pouring rain, it would have been futile. I knew I had no hope of finding her and an even lesser chance of talking to her ever again. It was a stupid point to make, really, and why I told her on Valentine’s Day is still a mystery to me. I wish I could take that entire night back-hell, my whole life to start over and get things right. I’m still not in love with her, per se, but I would give anything to talk to her again.
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